…Continued from last week
It
took me about three months to sign my name in the register of every club in
Lagos both on the mainland and on the island. I had done it all, I was done
with Uche so we broke up and I faced my relationship with Augustine. It got
better every day, he was very sweet and romantic, he was every girl’s dream, for
the first time in my life I was truly in love
Our
relationship was stronger than ever, we had been with each other for over a
year when I got pregnant for him, I got pregnant in January but I didn’t notice
any signs until February. At first I thought I was getting bigger because I was
eating well but that was before I missed my period the first time, even then I
thought it was one of those times that the body misbehaves, it never occurred
to me that I could have been pregnant because apart from the fact that
Augustine travelled almost immediately after I finished my period in January,
the only time we had sex was before my period and we had been abstaining for a
long time before that. Pregnancy was soooo not on my mind but that changed when
fell ill in march, I lost my appetite, I couldn’t eat anything but fruits and
occasionally bread, I lost weight in every part of my body except my breasts,
it was like all the fat in my body was running to my breasts. That’s when it
occurred to me that I should have a pregnancy test done.
The
day before I went to the pharmacy, I fasted and prayed to God that I shouldn’t
be pregnant, I could not be pregnant!!! (How would I tell my mum, my
father would laugh at her, she’ll disown me and probably send me out of the
house, I’ll have no home! My friends! They’ll stay away from me, I’ll be so
alone!!!) my thoughts made me pray even harder, I told God
that even if I was pregnant he should make me have a miscarriage (for
crying out loud I was just in 300level, how would I take care of the baby!)
I
finally went the next day to buy the PT strips, I bought four so there won’t be
any excuses. I prayed again before going to the bathroom, I begged and begged
God but it looked like God was taking a nap at that time cuz I still felt that
chill run down my spine, I still felt like I was going to die… all the four
strips tested positive!!! I knew I was in the deepest kind of shit…
…
My pregnancy would not leave me oh! I’d even tried begging the baby inside me
to leave but it won’t listen, God didn’t have my time either, I was alone in
this. I knew I should call Augustine but I also knew what he was going to tell
me. I finally called and it was worse than I thought, he didn’t believe that he
was the father of the baby, he kept asking, “are u sure you’re pregnant for
me?”. I didn’t blame him though, he had been away for 3months and I didn’t say
anything about a pregnancy until then, he had a right to be suspicious so I had
to prove that he was the father. He said I should go for a blood pregnancy test
and ultrasound scan.
Even
then I still dared to hope that the pregnancy test would come back negative, I
still prayed that it should be but God was still catching cruise with me, it
was positively positive. Now for the scan, I knew that it would determine the
age and sex of my child, what I didn’t know was that I would see my child move,
would see as its heart was beating, I didn’t know that I would see the head,
hands and legs beginning to form, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw
and felt. My baby was 12weeks and 4days old, it was to be due on October 26th
but I knew I’d never see that child, I knew that by October I wouldn’t be
having any baby… I knew and I cried, I cried for my baby’s first steps, I cried
for my baby’s laughter, I cried for my baby’s first day at school, I cried
because my baby wouldn’t be given a chance to be a baby…
Augustine
sent money for the abortion the next day and his brother accompanied me to the
hospital that same day…
I’m
sure everybody on this street can hear me screaming, this pain is tearing me
apart! I feel like my insides are about to burst open! The nurse lied! This
hurts like hell! It feels like I’m going to die!!! The nurse says it’ll soon be
over but It doesn’t feel that way, I can still feel the doctor pumping blood
out of me, with each pump I feel my uterus contract and with each contraction I
feel my brain explode…
Exam
results are out, yeah I passed *2 fingers in the air* I can’t tell you my GPA but it’s in the first class region,
I love my new room too, my roommates are really cool. God finally has my time,
I try really hard not to think of the time when he didn’t, I try not to think
of those horrible times…. When I could
barely walk out of the labour room, the bleeding, the haunting dreams, having
milk come out of my breasts without a baby to breast feed, the pain…
If
you know who my mother is, please tell her my story, tell her that I’m sorry I
disappointed her , tell her I’ve learnt my lesson, tell her I’m a better person
now, tell her everything but don’t forget to tell her…. That I survived.
THE END